The Four People You Meet In Heaven
by ncis.is.the.best
Summary: The man opened his jacket, revealing a mess of wires and an IED strapped to his chest. There were screams; a flash of light and then it all went black. Post Judgement Day. Implied TIVA.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS. I wish.

So this is a new idea for a story.

If you've read 'The Five People You Meet In Heaven' you will know what this is loosely based on.

It will be that same sort of thing, but different... if that makes sense. It's from Tony's point of view.

So tell me what you think and if I should continue or not.

If it's crap tell me 'cause I want to know if I shouldn't continue.

Enjoy.

And please review.

* * *

_The man opened his jacket, revealing a mess of wires and an IED strapped to his chest. There was a moment of shocked silence. The silence that is deafening, threatening to engulf and never release you._

"_Oh crap," Tony whispered. _

_There were screams; a flash of light and then it all went black._

* * *

Tony shuffled onto the train slowly, his aching limbs willing him to rest, but his mind willing them to move. While age had worn down his muscles, his mind was still as sharp as ever. He slumped into the chair closest to him and let out a loud sigh. It was just too hard to get around these days. Tony looked around him, analyzing the people sitting idly on the train.

A woman cooing a screaming child. "Shh, darling, shh, we'll be home soon."

A teenage girl sitting with her knees brought up to her chest, listening to an Ipod or MP3 player.

A man sitting in the corner of the train, cutting himself off from everything and everyone else. It was in his posture… _I want to be alone. _

Tony stared more intensely at the man. This was wrong. He could just make out the sweat building up on the man's forehead in a fine sheen. His eyes were tightly closed and if Tony looked close enough, he could just see his lips moving. It was subtle, hardly noticeable, but it was there. As if the man was whispering to himself… singing, quoting,_ praying?_ The man held his arms around him almost protectively and fidgeted slightly as if uncomfortable, as if there was something nagging at him.

Tony shook his firmly.

_You're analyzing this too much, Tony. Give it up. You retired years ago. This isn't up to you anymore. _

And it was there again. The reminder of his failure. The constant knowing that he could have helped the people he loved. He could have done something. He could have saved them. Tony could still hear the mocking voices in his head.

_You're old and weak. What have you accomplished? _

Nothing.

_You could have saved them, couldn't you? _

Yes.

_But did you? _

No.

_And where are they now? _

Tony gripped the sides of his chair hard as his knuckles turned white. He closed his eyes tightly, attempting to banish the voices from his head, his face screwed up in an expression of immense pain and suffering. He couldn't deal with this. The voice persisted, ignoring his pain.

_Where are they now?_

Tony gripped the chair harder began to breathe more rapidly as once again the voice pushed it's way into his mind, filled with hatred and venom.

_WHERE ARE THEY NOW? _

Tony slumped into the chair and trembled slightly. Giving in, he whispering softly under his breath.

"Dead," he breathed, "and it's my fault."

And then there was silence. The voice was gone and Tony was back to being old, weak and alone. He sighed deeply and sat back in the uncomfortable train chair, once again surveying the people around him, this time taking more care to note the finer details.

The woman cooing the screaming child. "Shh, darling, shh, we'll be home soon." Exasperated as the woman seemed, there were slight creases around her eyes and mouth, a telltale sign of a life of happiness and laughter. While she seemed to be at her wits end with the child in her arms, her eyes were warm and full of love. The words that spilled from her lips were not harsh or demanding, they were simply reassuring.

The teenage girl sitting with her knees brought up to her chest, listening to an Ipod or MP3 player. Her head was bopping slightly to the beat of whatever she was listening to. Every so often, the girl would allow a soft smile to make it's on her face and she would whisper one or two of the lyrics, presumably the chorus.

The man sitting in the corner of the train, cutting himself off from everything and everyone else. He appeared calmer now, more at ease. As if he had come to terms with something and accepted it.

Tony wondered fleetingly what this might be, but he was not as worried about the man as he was before. Before he had the chance to turn away, the man stood up and walked to the centre of the carriage. He was muttering again now and Tony felt a growing sense of dread in the pit of his stomach.

The man opened his jacket, revealing a mess of wires and an IED strapped to his chest. There was a moment of shocked silence. The silence that is deafening, threatening to engulf and never release you.

"Oh crap," Tony whispered.

There were screams; a flash of light and then it all went black.

* * *

A/N: Sooo... What did you think? Please review and tell me. Should I continue? Thanks for reading.


	2. The First Person

Disclaimer: Nope... I still don't own NCIS.

This is the first person. It may shock you as to who I chose, but then again... it may not.

I'm not completely happy with this, but remember I'm only 14 and not a professional writer so this is the best I can do.

Also, I'm not completely certain about the details with this person so sorry if there is anything that is incorrect.

Enjoy.

And please review.

* * *

Tony opened his eyes slowly and looked around. The first thing he noticed was that he was definitely not on the train anymore. The second thing he noticed was that for the first time in many years his limbs weren't a victim of a persistent ache. He sat up slowly and looked down at himself, hardly able to believe what he was seeing. His legs weren't scrawny and worn, but muscled and toned. His arms weren't wrinkled and there was no evidence of the bruise that he had acquired the day before in a moment of clumsiness. He looked down at his belt and saw his gun holstered neatly next to his NCIS badge.

Tony looked up again and stood slowly, still reeling from the events of the past few minutes. It took him a moment to fully register where he was. His eyes comprehended the sight before him, but his mind refused to accept it. He was standing on the roof of a building, a building that he recognized immediately as one from his old dreams. No. Not dreams… nightmares. He spun around quickly and blinked a few times as if it would change where he was. The attempt was in vain, though, as each time he opened his eyes he was still in exactly the same place, a place of dread.

"So you know where you are then?" A heavily accented voice that Tony had hoped never to hear again entered his thoughts.

Tony froze. Every part of his mind was screaming that this could not be real, that it was impossible. He turned slowly towards the voice in careful measured steps. What he saw only confirmed what he already knew to be true as soon as he had heard the voice.

"Ari," Tony whispered, his voice torn between anger and confusion.

Ari was unfazed. He carefully ignored the anger and instead addressed Tony's confusion. "Yes," Ari said airily. "And yes, I am dead."

Tony blinked twice and clenched his teeth. "Why am I here?" he hated that he was asking Ari something. As if he needed help from _him_.

Ari smiled slightly. "Because you are dead, Tony," he said as a matter-of-factly, his accent more prominent than ever.

Tony looked down at his younger and stronger body and sighed. He couldn't be dead, could he? He took a look at the very much alive Ari and then back down at himself. Yes, he could, because the last time he checked he was old and tired. He was on a train and then there was a blinding flash. Then it all went black and he woke up… here? Where exactly was he? Heaven? Hell? Somewhere in between? Tony looked up at Ari, who was standing calmly in front of him, his expression carefully impassive. "So," Tony muttered. "Where am I?"

Ari was silent for a moment, studying Tony's face. "You are in heaven," he said finally.

Tony snorted. "If this is heaven it really doesn't live up to all the hype," he said, sweeping an arm around him, gesturing to the rooftop before gesturing to Ari. "What are _you_ doing in _my_ heaven?"

Ari shrugged. "I do not know. Maybe you need closure."

Tony laughed bitterly and shook his head. "Not from you."

Ari just shrugged again. "Then like I said, I do not know," he took a step towards Tony. "You called me."

Tony closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. "I… what-?" he said, opening his eyes only to find that Ari was gone. Tony took a step forward, looking around.

"You called me," Ari's repeated calmly, his voice sounding from behind Tony.

Tony spun around quickly and found himself face-to-face with Ari. "I would _never_ call you," he said softly, projecting as much venom and hatred into his voice as he could muster.

Ari was still unfazed, his calm exterior fully intact. If he was at all bothered by Tony's anger, he didn't show it. "You called me, Tony. That is a fact. Deal with it. Your conscious mind may not have called me, but somewhere in your subconscious you did," Ari smiled slightly. "Maybe you really do need closure."

Tony trembled slightly. "I don't need closure from you. All I need is this…" and in an instant, Tony whipped his gun out and held it up to Ari's head, his old instincts kicking in. As soon as his finger put pressure on the trigger, however, the gun disappeared from his grasp. Tony looked at his empty hand, which was still aimed at Ari's head and then at Ari, who was still smiling as politely as ever.

"You cannot kill me, Tony," he said patiently.

Tony dropped his arm and clenched his fists. "And why is that?" he said through clenched teeth. "Because I don't have a weapon? I could kill you with my bare hands, Ari."

Ari continued to smile. "Oh, I do not doubt that, but would you like your hands to be removed too?" Ari continued to speak as Tony frowned slightly in confusion. "You cannot kill me because I am already dead," Ari said, "and you need something from me to move on."

Tony shook his head, becoming more and more confused by the second. "Move on…?"

"Yes, Tony. There are more people for you to see," Ari explained patiently.

Tony slumped onto the ground of the building, immediately standing again when he came in contact with a sticky liquid. Dreading what he might see, he looked down and saw a large pool of blood, streaming from Kate's motionless body. "Kate," Tony whispered, running over to her body. As soon as he knelt down to her level, she and the pool of blood disappeared, as if it had never been there at all. Tony stood up and turned towards Ari. "Why are you doing this?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

Ari shrugged slightly. "I am not doing anything. You are doing this to yourself."

Tony bit back his retort and swallowed. "What do I need from you to move on?" he asked, keeping his voice carefully level.

Ari smiled. "You called me, Tony. Only you know that."

Tony breathed loudly and tipped his head back. "I did not call you!" he hissed. When he looked back down again Ari was gone. Tony jumped slightly as he heard Ari's voice sound in his mind.

"The sooner you accept it, Tony, the sooner you can move on. Think about it."

From the corner of his eye, Tony swore he could see Kate walking calmly across the building. When Tony turned however, he was greeted with nothing but the empty expanse of the roof.

_The roof that Kate had died on._

_Died…_

He sighed softly under his breath. Even if Ari was telling the truth, what could Tony possibly want from him? Tony racked his brain, thinking of all the things he wanted to ask Ari. One question stood out most prominently.

_Why did you do it? _

Tony shook his head. He already knew the answer to that. It was to make Gibbs suffer. It was all to make Gibbs suffer.

_To make Gibbs suffer. _The words resonated in his head. There was more to it. There _had_ to be.

The reason Ari didn't kill Gibbs on the rooftop was because he wanted to pick off the rest of the team… one…by…one.

_To make him suffer. _

The more Tony thought about it, the more it didn't make sense. Ari only killed one member of the team…

_Kate…_

…before he went straight onto Gibbs and attempted to kill him. Granted, Ari took the shot at Abby, but he must have been aware that it missed. Tony frowned slightly. Why would Ari set out to kill the whole team just to make Gibbs suffer, but give up suddenly and go straight for Gibbs himself? It just didn't make any sense.

_No sense. _

Tony felt the hairs on the back of his neck lift as Ari spoke once again from behind him.

"Figured it out yet?"

Tony turned around to face Ari. "Why?"

For the first time since Tony had arrived on the rooftop, Ari showed an emotion other than calm.

_Confusion…_

"Why what?" he asked curiously.

Tony paused for a moment, trying to find the best way to put his thoughts into words. "Why did you only kill Kate? Why did you stop?"

Ari hesitated, an array of new emotions making their way through his calm exterior.

_Worry… _

_Sadness…_

_Regret…_

_Guilt…_

Tony watched as these emotions flickered over Ari's face.

_What's he thinking about?_

After a few minutes, Ari broke the tense silence. "There are many reasons," Ari said, falling back into his calm façade. "Maybe I just got…" he thought for a moment, trying to find the correct word, "…_impatient_."

Tony was about to retort angrily when something held him back. He thought about the emotions that had flickered over Ari's face while he had composed his answer…

_Worry… _

_Sadness…_

_Regret…_

_Guilt…_

Tony shook his head. These were not the emotions of an impatient man, let alone a man that was out for blood. "You're lying," Tony said, with much more conviction than he actually felt.

Ari blinked and stared at Tony as if he was unable to believe what Tony had said to him. "Why would I lie to you?"

Tony shrugged, suddenly feeling in control. He could see Ari's façade fading fast.

_Unraveling… emotions making their way through… revealing themselves… as it should be…_

"That's what I'm wondering," Tony said. "I'm already dead. Why would you lie?"

Ari frowned slightly. "Maybe I am not lying."

Tony stood his ground.

_Push a little further… he'll break…_

"You're lying."

Ari shifted uncomfortably. "No, I-"

Tony lost his temper. "Tell me the truth!" he almost yelled, his voice echoing out over the roof. He paused for a moment and lowered his voice. "What are you hiding? Why did you stop after Kate and go straight for Gibbs?" Again, Tony thought he saw Kate walking across the roof beside him. And just like before, when he turned to see she was gone. Tony shook the thought from his mind and turned back to face the man in front of him.

Ari slumped his shoulders as if in defeat. Then there was silence.

_Silence… Nothing said…and yet so much expressed…_

"I regretted it later," Ari finally muttered, barely able to meet Tony's eyes. "I guess after I took that shot into the lab I realized that it was only Gibbs I should be after."

Tony clenched his teeth. "You shouldn't have been after _anyone_."

Ari looked up for a moment as if he was about to make a sharp retort, but he looked down again and shook his head. All the fight was gone.

_Defeated… and there's nothing left…_

"My father…"

Tony furrowed his brow. "Your father?"

Ari nodded. "Gibbs… He reminded me of my father," he muttered, before anger flared up in his eyes. "That bastard!"

Tony stared at Ari, who was seemingly waging a war inside of himself. Tony knew what it was like to have a bastard for a father, but he would never do anything to an innocent person, no matter how strong the resemblance.

There was silence again.

_Uncomfortable… and yet comfortable…_

"I know now," Ari said finally.

"Know what?"

Ari fidgeted uncomfortably. Tony's mind was suddenly filled with flashes of the man on the train… the man with the bomb…

_The man held his arms around him almost protectively and fidgeted slightly as if uncomfortable, as if there was something nagging at him._

"That I was wrong. That I shouldn't have done it," Ari said and relaxed slightly, as if a burden had been lifted off of his shoulders…

_The man appeared calmer now, more at ease. As if he had come to terms with something and accepted it._

Tony wasn't quite sure to make of what he had just heard. "It doesn't make it okay," he said after a moment. "You still killed her."

And there she was again, just out of the corner of his eye, Tony could see Kate again. Sure enough, when Tony turned, she was gone….

_Gone… just like always…_

"You see her too, huh?" Ari's voice broke into Tony's thoughts. Tony was silent, wondering what Ari could be implying. Ari looked around before he spoke again. "I see her. All the time."

_All the time… never alone…_

Tony swallowed. "I believe you," he said softly. "I believe that you are sorry. I'm just not sure that I can forgive you…" Tony paused. "At least not just yet."

_Not yet… a promise of maybe later…_

Ari nodded and swallowed, looking off into the distance behind Tony. "I _am_ sorry, Tony."

_An apology…_

Tony smiled softly. "I know."

Ari nodded briskly and continued to look vaguely off into the distance behind Tony. Tony turned slowly, wondering what Ari could be staring at so intently.

_Kate…_

Tony looked from Ari to Kate and back again. There were those emotions again, plastered all over Ari's face, plain for Tony to see.

_Worry…_

_Sadness…_

_Regret…_

_Guilt…_

_Tony looked away from Ari and over to Kate in time to see her smile slightly and bring her hand up in the smallest of waves._

_A farewell…_

Tony smiled and waved at Kate. Only a moment later a bright flash shone out over the rooftop.

_Only a moment… that's all you get…_

And then they were gone.

_Gone…_

* * *

A/N: So there you go. Was that what you expected? Please review and tell me what you thought. Seriously... even if it's critisism. I want to know. Thanks for reading.


	3. All His Fault

Disclaimer: NCIS is not mine. I wish.

Yes, this is short, but it's meant to be.

Enjoy.

And please review.

* * *

_-Flashback May 2008-_

As soon as he saw the gunshots in the door he knew something was terribly wrong. One glance at Ziva and Tony knew that she was thinking exactly the same thing. Without hesitation, they both pulled their SIGs out and crept towards the door of the diner.

It was the silence that set Tony off, the dead silence. Seeing Jenny's body on the floor covered in blood was only confirmation of what he already knew. He leant down slowly and pressed two fingers to her ice-cold neck, praying for the telltale throbbing of a pulse, but knowing there wouldn't be one. When he stood up and looked over to Ziva, her eyes mirrored the grief in his.

It was supposed to be a normal protection detail, there was not meant to be any immediate threat. But there was. And Tony wasn't there to stop it. Granted, the director had sent him away, but he should have been more thoughtful. Even when he knew it was all wrong, he didn't follow his instinct. He didn't even listen to Ziva, no matter how persistent she was, no matter how convincing her argument was. He was too wrapped up in his self. Tony wanted to explore L.A.

Tony did what he wanted.

And Jenny was dead.

That was the way he saw the situation and no amount of convincing served to change his mind… because from there it all just got worse.

And again it was all his fault.

* * *

A/N: So what do you think is going on? Review and tell me. Thanks for reading.


	4. The Second Person

Disclaimer: No. I still don't own NCIS.

Yeah, so it's been a while since I last updated, so sorry, but I had some stuff going on...

Also, I changed it to four people because five people didn't fit with my storyline.

Beleive me, this has a point.

Enjoy.

And please review.

* * *

The next time Tony awoke he was standing on the NCIS 'catwalk', looking out over the bullpen. To his left was the door leading to MTAC, and to the right was the director's office. Tony shut his eyes as tight as he could and curled his hands around the railing, feeling the cold metal on his skin. He didn't want to be here. Ever. There were some things that he just couldn't erase from his mind, and this was definitely one of them. He took a few deep breaths and opened his eyes again, looking down at his old place of work. It held his best and worst memories. It was too bad that the worst memories were all his fault. That was why he had to leave. He had to go far away. And all those years ago that is exactly what he did.

Tony looked down at himself, noting that he was indeed still young and his NCIS badge was sitting next to his SIG. What the hell was going on here? Couldn't he just die? Tony shook his head. Heaven was so overrated.

_I deserve to die. _He thought to himself. _I deserved to die years ago. The others didn't. _

"It wasn't your fault." A familiar red head made their way into Tony's peripheral vision.

Tony laughed bitterly and leant against the railing. "Always be specific when you lie, Jenny," he quoted rule seven, turning to face her. "I screwed up way too many times."

Jenny smiled. "I'm not lying, Tony, but no matter what I say I don't think you're going to believe me."

"You're right. I won't believe you," Tony looked into Jenny's eyes seriously. "Everything that happened was my fault."

"It wasn't, Tony. You have to stop blaming yourself."

"I'm the reason you died, _Jenny_!" Tony almost yelled, throwing his arms into the air. "Everything that happened after that was just a chain reaction!"

"I'm not going to deny that you screwed up a few things after that, but my death was definitely not your fault." Jenny stated calmly.

Tony laughed bitterly. "I wanted to explore _L.A._," he stressed out the letters angrily. Not many people knew it, but Tony had never returned to L.A. after that incident. It was all too much. "I knew something was up, but I was too wrapped up in myself to do anything about it. I completely ignored Zi…" Tony trailed off as he felt a blow of guilt hit him.

_Ziva…_

Tony swallowed the guilt, trying to ignore it as it ate away at his insides. "I just screwed up, okay?" he muttered. "I should have followed my gut."

Jenny chose to ignore Tony's obvious guilt about Ziva. It was not the time to address that issue. That would come later. "Follow me, Tony."

Tony looked up as Jenny walked into MTAC, the door closing behind her. He took a breath, composed himself, and followed. When he got in the room was just as he remembered it, only more eerie. _Alot_ more eerie. The lights off, and the only sound was a faint buzzing that the equipment to the left of him was emitting.

"Jenny?" Tony asked cautiously, looking around at the bare chairs in the darkness. There was no reply. "Jenn-" he was cut off as the screen in front of him suddenly whirred to life. Memories of that day flicked across the screen.

_At the pool…arguing…_

_Stuck in traffic… she just wanted to call her …_

_At the parking lot, by Sasha's body… she was trying to convince him…_

_At the gas station…they were fighting… _

_At the diner…guns drawn…_

_Then…they saw her body… _

_She was long gone… _

Tony stared at the screen, transfixed by what he saw. It was all happening again, just much more vividly. Suddenly, the images changed. Now he was seeing the untold tale.

Jenny and Franks… at Sasha's house…

_At the diner…talking…_

_Franks leaving to get water… _

_Unwanted guests arriving… _

_Gunshots… _

_The smell of death in the air… _

Tony sat staring at the screen, long after it shut off, until a voice echoed into the darkness.

"I was sick, Tony," Jenny stated, coming into view and standing front of the screen.

Tony looked at Jenny. "I know. We found out after."

"So you know that I was dying anyway."

Tony shook his head. "I still killed you."

Jenny chose her words carefully. "You have to understand this, Tony. This is very important."

Tony sighed and flopped into one of the MTAC seats. "I know, I know, you were dying anyway," he muttered flatly. "So I've been told. You still could have lived longer, told Gib…" Tony trailed off again at his casual use of his former boss's name, guilt building up inside of him.

_Gibbs…_

He swallowed and continued as if nothing had happened. "You could have told him how you felt."

Jenny laughed softly. "The time for that had come and gone, Tony," she said, the humor leaving her face. "Anyway, I would not have wanted to live longer. The disease would have slowly killed me. Slowly and painfully."

_Slowly and painfully…_

"I would not have wanted to die that way," she added, taking the seat next to Tony.

"I suppose you wanted to go out with a bang," Tony said with a touch of sarcasm.

Jenny laughed again, lightening the dense air. "Something like that," she suddenly turned serious again. "You need to know that you were not to blame Tony. I went out to that diner with the intentions of dying. Dying to save Gibbs."

_To save the one she loved…_

"If I had been there I could have helped. You may have lived," Tony argued, in a tone that was bordering on pleading.

"No," Jenny shook her head. "If you had been there, Tony, you and Ziva would both have been killed."

Tony felt another blow at the mention of Ziva. He swallowed the bile that was rising in his throat and shut his eyes tightly. "I deserved to die anyway," he muttered, before he felt a sharp blow connect with his cheek and a slap sounded loud in the air.

"Don't you ever say that, Tony," Jenny said sternly, lowering her hand.

Tony raised a hand to his cheek, pain still pulsing through his head. "Sorry," he mumbled softly, making a mental not to piss her off again. Then it hit him that he wouldn't really have the chance to ever piss her off again. "I am so sorry, Jenny," he muttered softly, putting his head in his hands.

"It wasn't your fault, Tony," Jenny gently reminded him.

"I know," Tony said, before realizing what he was saying. He looked up in shock and repeated the words as if to test them out. "I know it wasn't my fault."

Jenny nodded and smiled softly. "Good."

Tony mirrored Jenny's smile. He still believed that everything that happened after the protection detail in L.A. was entirely his fault, but now he at least understood that he wasn't to blame for Jenny's actual death.

For now, that would be enough.

_Enough…_

Tony was still smiling when a bright flash shone out around MTAC and it all disappeared.

_It all disappeared…_

* * *

A/N: So... What did you think? Review and tell me. And what do you think is going on? Why is Tony so guilty about Gibbs and Ziva? What 'chain reaction' happened after Jenny's death? Be prepared...


	5. Ultimatum

Disclaimer: Same as always.

This is short, but it's meant to be.

Enjoy.

And please review.

* * *

_They delivered an ultimatum. Vance was given the choice of losing half his agents, his forensic scientist, both medical examiners, and part of the legal department, or rehiring Gibbs' team. The ultimatum worked… Or did it?_

* * *

-Flashback August 2008-

"You found her yet, McGee?" Tony asked, slumping into his chair. There was no need to explain who he was talking about.

_Ziva…_

McGee sighed and rubbed his eyes. "It's been three months, Tony. I just don't think it's going to happen."

"Don't say that, McDowner," Tony snarled.

"Feeling guilty, _Tony_?" McGee asked, matching Tony's expression.

Tony's expression suddenly changed from anger to remorse. He was saved from replying by Gibbs' entering the bullpen.

"Gear up!" he shouted, grabbing his own badge and gun. When McGee began to do the same, Gibbs stopped him. "Not you, McGee. Abby sent you the location of the warehouse. I need you to guide us there."

McGee nodded sullenly and sat back down. "Sure, Boss."

* * *

"Take the next right and it's straight ahead of you," McGee's voice came through the speakerphone in the car.

"Good work, McGee," Gibbs said and closed his phone, parking the car. "Let's go, DiNozzo."

Tony nodded and stepped out of car, walking towards the large building in front of them. They walked around the outside for a while, trying to get a visual on the suspect.

"Damn, he's armed," Gibbs muttered, pulling out his SIG. "Get my back."

Tony nodded before he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. "What is it McGee? I'm busy."

The reply that Tony received caused him to drop his phone in horror. The only thing that snapped him out of his trance was a gunshot from inside the building.

_Gibbs…_

Tony knew three things for certain even before he saw his lifeless body on the ground. One- Gibbs was dead. Two- The killer had gotten away.

Three- It was most definately his fault.

_Get my back…_

* * *

A/N: Yep... I really did kill Gibbs. Don't worry. It fits with the story. What did you think? Theories? Review.


	6. The Third Person

Disclaimer: As usual.

This chapter is pretty short and t o be honest I really don't like it.

Hope yopu like it more that I do.

Enjoy.

And please review.

* * *

Tony opened his eyes to a place of extreme familiarity, a place that he had not set foot in for many years. It was different than he remembered. Granted, all the tools and nails were still present, but the entire room seemed bare. There was no boat in the centre of the room. Tony walked over to the workbench, gliding a finger across the surface, watching the line he was making in the thick layer of sawdust.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs stern voice echoed out over the basement. "What _are_ you doing?"

Tony wiped the sawdust off his hand and turned to his former boss. He wasn't prepared for the guilt that washed over him when he saw Gibbs. Maybe Tony had expected him to be different. Maybe he expected to see an accusatory glare in the older man's eyes. Nothing of a sort was there. "I… uh…" Tony struggled to form an appropriate sentence. Gibbs took a sip of the coffee in his hand and looked at Tony expectantly. _Coffee in heaven…Interesting. _Tony thought wryly, turning away from Gibbs. "Where's the boat?" he asked, attempting to change the subject.

Gibbs took another sip of his coffee before replying. "I finished it," he said, pausing for a moment. "I finished it two weeks before the raid."

_The raid…_

_The raid that he never came back from… _

Tony winced slightly at the mention of the warehouse raid. "Oh," he said, for lack of anything better to say. He hesitated for a moment, before plucking up his courage to say something. "How do you feel about apologies now that you're dead?"

"About the same as I did when I was alive," Gibbs said seriously.

"Well that's not very helpful," Tony said. "Do you think if I say it really fast you'll accept it?"

Gibbs raised his hand and slapped Tony over the head. "Shut up, DiNozzo."

Tony looked down sheepishly. "Sorry," he muttered quickly.

Gibbs slapped him again. "Hey! What'd I say about apologies?"

"Sign of weakness," Tony said automatically.

Gibbs nodded. "That's right," he took another sip of his coffee. "It wasn't your fault, Tony."

Tony laughed wryly. "That's what everyone seems to say."

Gibbs sighed. "It was all bad timing. McGee called you and gave you the bad news. You shut down…"

"…and you died because of it," Tony finished for him.

Gibbs shrugged. "It happens."

Tony raised his eyebrows. "You're not angry at all? You don't wish you could have lived longer."

Gibbs took a long sip of his coffee, thinking for a moment. "I ran into a building with an armed lunatic inside and didn't defend myself, DiNozzo. What do you think?"

Tony looked at Gibbs for a moment, trying to decipher what he was saying. Suddenly it clicked. "You wanted to die?" Tony asked, dumbstruck.

Gibbs shrugged again. "I didn't _want_ to die, Tony, but I didn't really want to live either."

Tony shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe that you would do that. Why would you do that?"

"I have my reasons."

"What reasons?" Tony persisted. "What could possibly make the invincible _Agent Gibbs_ want to die?" Tony was angry now. For the pain that Gibbs death caused everyone, for the guilt that had taunted Tony day in, day out, year after year.

"I have my reasons, Tony," Gibbs repeated.

Tony couldn't take it anymore. "You want to know something, _Gibbs_?" he snarled. "Abby cried for years after you died, McGee blamed himself for calling me at the wrong time, Ducky stopped telling stories, and I…" Tony paused to take a breath, "…I had to deal with years of guilt whenever I saw someone that was affected by your death. So don't just stand there and say, 'I have my reasons'. Tell me what the hell compelled you to do that?"

If Gibbs was bothered by Tony's outburst, he hid it well. "I regret the pain it caused everyone, Tony," he said with genuine remorse in his eyes, "but I can't say that it was a mistake. It was one of the best decisions I ever made."

Tony sighed. "Dying?" he asked sarcastically. "Dying was the best decision you ever made? Did you plan this?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Of course not. I had no intentions of dying that day. But when I was in that building with the gunman aiming at me and no back up I made a decision. I took a shot, deliberately missing him, and he automatically shot back."

"How could you do that?" Tony asked, his voice barely a whisper.

Gibbs was saved from answering when a soft voice echoed down his basement stairs.

_Daddy…_

Tony's eyes widened in understanding. The last thing he heard before the light claimed him again was Gibbs' fatherly voice.

"I'll be up soon, Kelly."

_Soon…_

* * *

A/N: What did you think? Review and tell me. Any guesses on who the last person will be? TWIST coming.


	7. Forever

Disclaimer: No, I still don't own NCIS.

Well, here you go, the next chapter.

This may explain a little bit, but there's more to come.

Enjoy.

And please review.

* * *

-Flashback May 2008-

He was angry. He was angry and it was clouding his judgement, forcing him to say dumb things, make stupid decisions. It was the day of Jenny's funeral. It was the day that all three members of Gibbs' team were called into Vance's office and given the news. It was the day that Tony made the biggest mistake of his life. A day that he looked back on in years to come and wondered if it could have been different.

He would never know though, because he pushed her away. Forced her to leave. He gave her no other choice. It was clear what she was asking. '_Should I stay?' _or more specifically, '_Do you want me to stay?'_ Tony replayed the conversation countless times in his head, finding countless ways that he could have better handled the situation. Each time though, he came to the same conclusion. It was just too late.

There were so many nights, when Tony was alone in his apartment that he thought about that night, remembering it so vividly that he had to pinch himself to prove that it wasn't real…

* * *

"Open the door, Tony," Ziva yelled from outside his apartment.

Tony sighed and pulled open his door, stepping back as Ziva stepped straight in. "Can I help you, Ziva?"

Ziva sat down on Tony's couch. "Maybe," she paused for a moment. "What do you think are the chances of Gibbs working this out?"

Tony shrugged and walked over to his kitchen cupboards, pulling out a bottle of vodka, before flopping down next to Ziva. "Depends."

"On what?"

"Motivation," Tony said, handing Ziva a glass.

"Meaning?" Ziva asked, raising her eyebrows.

"He may not even want us back," Tony muttered. It sounded irrational even to his own ears, but Tony was too far-gone. He had finally snapped.

"Of course he will," Ziva said confidently, taking a drink and leaning back on the couch.

Tony laughed bitterly. "I killed Jenny. Why would he want us back?"

Again… more irrationality.

Ziva shook her head. "It was not your…" she began to say, before thinking better of it. "Actually, you will not believe me no matter what I say so just forget it."

Tony took a large swig of his glass, enjoying the burning feeling as it ran down his throat. "Damn right."

"You need to put things behind you, Tony," Ziva sighed, swirling her glass around, watching as the liquid inside threatened to spill out. When Tony didn't reply, Ziva stood up and put her glass down. "I guess that is it then. I guess there is no reason for me to stay," she looked down at Tony, almost questioningly. Ziva was far too proud to ask straight out if she should stay a little longer to see what would happen. She was far too proud to ask if Tony himself actually wanted her to stay.

That was when Tony should have stepped in. That was when he should have said, 'Stay. I want you to stay.'

Instead, Tony paused for a moment, before taking another drink. "I guess so."

Tony didn't see the disappointment in Ziva's eyes, and by the time he did look up, it was gone anyway. Ziva reverted to Mossad mode. "Goodbye Tony," she said stiffly.

Tony waved his now empty glass in the air. "Yeah, bye."

If Tony had looked up at that moment he would have seen Ziva brush away a tear.

He didn't.

And Ziva left his apartment without another word.

She left his life forever.

_Forever…_

* * *

A/N: What did you think? Review and tell me. Preview for next chapter: Find out what McGee said on the phone to Tony the day that Gibbs died...


	8. Death Calls

Insert witty disclaimer here

Here is the phone call from the day that Gibbs died.

And more.

Enjoy.

And please review.

* * *

The Phone Call

"_Damn, he's armed," Gibbs muttered, pulling out his SIG. "Get my back."_

_Tony nodded before he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. "What is it McGee? I'm busy." _

"_I found her, Tony," McGee said, his voice void of emotion. _

Ziva…

_Tony smiled, before realizing how dull McGee's tone had been. "That's a good thing, right?" he asked uncertainly. _

_There was silence on the line, before Tony heard a soft sigh. "She's been dead for two and a half months, Tony," McGee said, his voice cracking. _

_Tony dropped his phone in horror. Oh God. She was dead. All this time… she had been dead…_

* * *

-Flashback June 2008-

The crimson material of her dress fluttered lightly around her ankles in the early morning breeze. Scanning the surrounding area briefly, the young woman set out at a brisk walk, ignoring the men staring after her.

It was a risky mission and it was expected that there would be fatalities. If she were to die, it would surely be on the job.

_Irony had better ideas…_

The trained assassin that put her life on the line every day would not die heroically, saving another. She would not die in the line of duty, on a mission. She would not be executed or sniped from a distance. She was simply crossing the road on an early June morning.

The car that hit her sped off immediately, leaving her lying limp in the middle of the road, blood the color of her dress pooling around her lifeless body.

The paramedics pronounced the woman dead at the scene, muttering to each other that she surely would have died instantly. They only found out later that she was in fact floating in and out of consciousness for several minutes.

_No one knew what her last thoughts were of…_

* * *

A/N: What did you think? Review and tell me. Thanks for reading.


	9. The Fourth Person

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS. Yet.

So this might explain some of the confusion.

I'm not completely happy with this, but it will have to do.

Enjoy.

And please review.

* * *

Tony opened his eyes and felt his stomach drop. He looked from the urinal on the wall to the toilet stalls and back to the sinks. There was only one person that the men's bathroom could be significant to.

_Ziva…_

Tony closed his eyes as if to make it all disappear, but when he opened his eyes again, nothing had changed. He didn't quite know whether to laugh or cry. It was the hilarity of the situation that just wanted to make him burst out in laughter, yet the need to drop to the floor and cry was almost overwhelming. Then again, the floor of the men's bathroom didn't seem too sanitary… _Heaven in the toilet, _Tony thought wryly. _Interesting… _

"It has been a while, has it not?" Ziva's accented voice burst into Tony's thoughts. There was no anger, no accusation in her voice. It was just an observation.

Tony turned slowly to face Ziva and his mind felt as if it would implode on itself. The guilt, doubled with the way she looked was all a little too much for him. She was wearing a deep crimson dress with a plunging neckline. The bottom of the dress reached just above her ankles and it was tied up at her neck. A small silver heart pendant balanced delicately on her neckline, replacing her usual Star of David and she wore a simple silver bracelet on he right wrist. On her feet were a pair of silver strappy heels and her hair was straightened and left down to hang loosely around her shoulders. Tony hadn't realized he was staring until Ziva answered his unasked question.

"I was on an undercover mission when I died. That is why I am dressed up. Or was."

Tony cringed at how easily she talked about her own death and looked down, not saying anything.

Ziva seemed quite content with making all the conversation anyway. "I was on a deadly mission and I was killed in a hit and sprint car accident. Ironic, yes?" she leant back against the wall.

"Hit and _run_," Tony said instinctively, surprising himself at how easily he corrected her.

A slight smile touched Ziva's eyes, barely noticable. "Whatever," she said, the smile not leaving her face.

Tony sighed slightly. "I screwed up, Ziva," he muttered. "I screwed up _big_ time. It was all my fault"

Ziva pushed off the wall and took a step towards Tony. "Did _you_ drive the car that hit me?"

"No, but-"

"Then you are not at fault," Ziva shrugged. "But there is something that you can do for me."

"Anything."

Ziva took another step forward and looked into Tony's eyes. "Wake up."

* * *

"I can't wake up, Ziva," Tony said slowly, not dropping her gaze. "I'm dead."

"Are you?" Ziva asked, turning around and leaving the bathroom.

Tony took a breath before following her out. As soon as he opened the door, he was confronted with his own apartment, not NCIS headquarters. He looked back only to see that the door to the bathroom had disappeared. Tony shook his head and turned to Ziva, who had taken up residence on the armrest of his couch. He suddenly felt sick when he saw what she was holding. Two glasses and a bottle of vodka.

"Drink?"

Tony was unable to find his voice so he just shook his head and sat down next to her.

Ziva shrugged and poured herself a glass. "Suit yourself," she said, turning towards him. "You have tortured yourself for too long, Tony. You need to wake up."

"I don't know what you are talking about, Ziva."

Ziva nodded thoughtfully and took a drink. "You will."

Tony just shook his head. "I should have told you to stay. If I did you wouldn't have…" he trailed of in thought.

"I would not have died," Ziva offered bluntly.

"So you agree it was my fault?"

"No. I never blamed you."

Tony sighed. "You should have."

"I had no reason to. _I_ was the one that left," Ziva pointed to herself as if to reinforce her point. "Besides, it would never have ended any other way."

"Meaning?"

"Even if I had stayed, Tony, we would have gone back to work, teased, flirted, danced around the topic of _commitment_," Ziva sighed. "Then I would have been sent home. It was never meant to be forever."

"It could have been if I wasn't so stubborn."

"But it would not have. What did you really expect to happen, Tony?" Ziva asked sincerely. "Would we have run off and lived happily ever after?" she said sarcastically.

Tony shrugged. "Worked for Cinderella."

"I am not Cinderella," Ziva pointed out.

"As I'm not Prince Charming," Tony said. "So what happens now?"

"You wake up."

Tony sighed. "I can't wake up, Ziva. We've been over this. I'm dead. Dust of an explosion. Poof. Gone," he waved his arms around as if to emphasize his point.

"What if you could?" Ziva asked.

"Could what?"

"Wake up."

Tony sighed. "You'd still be gone. So would Jenny. And Gibbs. There would be no point."

"Before that."

"Before what?"

"Everything," Ziva said, "What if you could do it all again?"

Tony didn't even have to think about his answer. "I'd never let you leave," he said without hesitation.

Ziva smiled and nodded calmly. "Good enough," she said, getting up and walking away.

Tony stood to follow her. "Good enough for wha-?"

Ziva suddenly disappeared from view and memories that had haunted his life flicked through his mind in a montage.

* * *

_A split second…one shot…one kill…the blood pooling around her head…staining the rooftop…Kate. _

_His car exploding in a bang… fire balling and glass shooting in all directions. The smell of burning corpse in the air…the twisted wreck that was all that was left…reminders of Jeanne. _

_The sound of stone grating against stone as the door shut almost in slow motion…the look of intense fear etched on her face as she saw the world for the last time…Paula. _

_The eerie diner riddled with bullets…dead bodies all around…hers among them…the coldness of her neck… the blood dripping down her arm…Jenny. _

_A warehouse erupting in gunfire…three words full of trust…"get my back"…a failure of the worst kind…the ending result…death… Gibbs. _

_The other side of the world…irony…a hit and run…blood the colour of her dress pooling around her body…Ziva._

_Wake up…_

* * *

There was a bright flash and suddenly a much less calm voice resonated in Tony's mind.

* * *

A/N: What ddi you think? Review and tell me. Theories?


	10. Nothing Is Inevitable

Disclaimer: As usual.

Well. This is the last chapter.

I'm not completely happy with the way it turned out, but tell me what you think.

Enjoy.

And please review.

* * *

_There was a bright flash and suddenly a much less calm voice resonated in Tony's mind._

* * *

"Tony, wake up or I will shove this remote up your…"

Tony sat bolt upright and looked into the eyes of the woman standing over him, brandishing his television remote threateningly. He turned sideways, looking around, only to be confronted with his own apartment. Everything was as it was before the tragedy. His widescreen TV, DVD collection, last week's empty pizza box… it was all there.

"Tony!" Ziva's voice once again filled his mind and he became aware of her clicking her fingers in his face. "Wake up."

Tony looked back up. "Ziva?" Tony asked, blinking to see if she would disappear, when she didn't, he looked hr up and down, noticing that she was wearing her funeral clothes.

Ziva looked at Tony as if he was insane. "Yes, Tony, I am Ziva," she said slowly. "You know, your partner of three years, just got fired, yes? Ring any chimes?"

Tony corrected her instinctively and continued to look at her with curiosity. "Bells, Ziva, ring any _bells_."

Ziva frowned and became uncomfortable with his staring. "Are you feeling okay, Tony?"

Tony looked around again, before looking back up at Ziva. "I thought you were dead," he managed to say.

"Dead?" Ziva raised her eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"

Tony stood up and walked over to his TV, running a finger across the top, everything coming back to him. He turned back to Ziva, who was looking at him in confusion. "So it was all a dream?" he asked softly.

Ziva sighed, obviously not understanding what he meant. "No," she said. "Jenny is dead."

Tony thought for a moment. "But you are alive?"

"Of _course_ I am alive!" Ziva said exasperatedly, before softening her tone. "What isthis about, Tony?"

Tony shook his head. "I don't know," he said slowly, trying to work out what was going on. "How long have you here?"

"About ten minutes," Ziva shrugged. "You were in a pretty deep sleep."

"You can say that again," Tony muttered, thinking back to all that had just happened.

_Was it really just a dream? _

_It was so vivid, so believable. . _

_His whole life was just there. _

_Every memory, every thought, every experience. _

_Every death… _

…_They were all going to die. _

_Just like before. _

_It was inevitable… _

Tony snapped back into reality and looked into the eyes of Ziva, who, if possible, looked even more confused than before. Her own words slipped into his mind.

_Nothing is inevitable…_

Ziva sat down on the couch and broke the silence. "What do you think are the chances of Gibbs working this out?"

Tony's mind was bombarded with a sudden sense of déjà vu.

* * *

_"Open the door, Tony," Ziva yelled from outside his apartment._

_Tony sighed and pulled open his door, stepping back as Ziva stepped straight in. "Can I help you, Ziva?"_

_Ziva sat down on Tony's couch. "Maybe," she paused for a moment. "What do you think are the chances of Gibbs working this out?"_

* * *

"Tony!" Ziva almost yelled. "What is up with you today? You are so out of it."

Tony looked up quickly and shook his head again "Sor-"

"Do not apologize. Sign of weakness."

Tony smiled wryly. "Right."

"So?"

"So what?"

Ziva sighed heavily. "Should I request leave to buy some time?" she asked, aware that she was going out on a limb. "Do you think Gibbs will work this out?"

Tony paused for a moment, before his face broke into a wide smile. "How much time can you buy?"

Ziva laughed and leant back against the couch. Tony laughed back and walked over to his cupboards, pulling out a bottle of vodka. Together they lapsed back into their normal playful banter, forgetting the troubles around them. At least for a while.

* * *

People die everyday. It's a fact of life. We wake up every day knowing that it may be our last. There was no guarantee that Ziva would be able to stay. Nor was there any guarantee that she or Gibbs would live. But for that one night, nothing else mattered.

At least Tony didn't screw it up this time.

It was a good start.

_Nothing is inevitable…_

* * *

A/N: What you expected? Not what you expected? Review and tell me. Constructive critism always appreciated.


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